Digital Detox: The 10 Best Things

The Digital Detox is coming to an end and my iPhone is in a nearby Fedex truck. I just finished discussing the 10 Things I Missed The Most during the Shavers Family's Digital Detox. I thought it would only be fair to also discuss the 10 Best Things From the Digital Detox. So, here we go.

10. Money, Money, Money: We saved around $150.00 a month when we gave up two data plans and a monthly cell phone bill. This doesn't include the impulsive purchases we make on our phones.We have made changes to our plan and although we won't be saving as much, we ail still be saving money.

9.  A Great Conversation Starter: My husband and I are both considered "tech savvy" people in our respective arenas so, people would always want to know, "What happened to your phone" when the flip phone was pulled out. We both found that most people struggled with similar issues and admired our discipline to giving up our phones to improve our quality of life.

8.  It Wasn't Attached to My Hand: Sometimes it is just a good idea to leave your cell phone at home and disconnect. It was a lot easier to do this with a flip phone.

7.  Increased Awareness: Not constantly having my phone out, helped me to see how often people are on there phones. I noticed it in meetings, at restaurants, and everywhere I went. To be honest, I was astonished at how rude people were when texting/facebooking/tweeting/etc. through a meeting or dinner. I know I was that person before. I will not be that person now. If I notice that I'm doing this consistently, I vow to go back to the "non-smart" phone.

6.  No Notifications: Seeing the little red circle with a number of missed calls, messages, emails, etc. causes me anxiety. I find myself getting anxious and wanting to see what's going on no matter what I'm doing. Not having those notifications was a welcome reprieve and one that I will continue.

5.  Less Wasted Time: You know what happens when you take a five-minute break from working and check your phone. Well, maybe it doesn't happen to you, but I would check Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, ESPN, the news, read a little bit of a book and then two hours later worry about all the time I've wasted. Again. If I start doing this again, I will be returning to a "non-smart" phone.

4.  A Break from Twitter: As I said in the 10 Things I Missed The Most, I have a love/hate relationship with Twitter. I have learned so much and connected with awesome professionals on Twitter, but I have also wasted a ton of time on Twitter. This break has helped me develop parameters around what I will do with my phone. One of the boundaries I am implementing for now is… No Social Media Apps on my phone. Gasp. I know, I know.

3.  Work Email: When I was in college working on a paper or assignment in the evening, I would email my professor. Now, this happens to me and I want to address issues immediately. This means that I end up working all the time with no boundaries. I didn't get email on my phone during the digital detox and I will not be add my work email to my iPhone. Boundaries.

2.  Lived in the Moment: It was awesome to live in the moment and not be thinking about the issue with an online test or a student that needs a response. I have learned to appreciate living in the present in a way that I never have before.

1.  Quality Time with My Husband: Finally and most importantly. The relationship between my husband and I has improved. We can be completely engaged with each other instead of hanging out with each other and our phones. I was awful about giving my full attention because I was always so distracted. I refuse to let a device distract me from my family and loved ones.

While there were several things that I did not like about the digital detox, I must say that, it has been an awesome experience. I refuse to neglect the real word for the world in my smart phone. I am an advocate for smart technology use, but I encourage everyone to try a digital detox for a small time period. Now that I've had this experience I believe I can enjoy the perks of a smart phone without neglecting the most important things in my life. I am so grateful that my husband did this with me. I am a lucky girl.

Digital Detox: The 10 Things I Missed The Most

In January, I wrote a blog post titled, I'm Considering Giving Up My iPhone and Leaving the Smart Phone World. Shortly after that (January 9, 2013), I switched to a flip phone and joined my husband who had already given up his smart phone. In February, we also got rid of cable and started calling this experiment, The Shavers Family's Digital Detox. The detox included "technology free" zones and I also stopped blogging. Our digital detox comes to an end today (June 12, 2013), a little over five months. My iPhone is currently on a FedEx truck headed to my home. Before, I plug back in, I wanted to share the 10 Things I Missed The Most During the Digital Detox:

#10: GPS for Workouts: I like to use mapmyrun and other apps that log my jogging, walking, and/or biking workouts. I used an iPod Touch during my workout, but it just wasn't the same. I could look at the map, but it was hard to know exactly where I was and I did get off track a few times. I'm looking forward to mapping out a 3 mile run and knowing that my phone will show me the route.

#9:   Twitter Access: I have a love/hate relationship with twitter. I have a personal and professional twitter handle (DrMShavers) and I found that I wasn't on twitter nearly as often. This was good for my personal account, but I did miss a few things with the professional account. Despite that, I still think that having a break was exactly what I needed. Now, I can create better boundaries around my Twitter use.

#8:   Google Access: Let's say I'm driving home and I pass the grocery store. I know I want to cook tonight so, I want to find a recipe and look up the ingredients I need... Can't do that on the flip phone. Or, I am at home and I can't remember what time an event starts. Welp... I can't google that either. I had to be intentional and plan out everything.

#7:   Ordering Food: I love that I can place an order at Chipotle using the iPhone app, pay for the purchase, and skip the line to get my order. There was none of that unless I ordered from home before I left.

#6:   My Address Book: It was just too difficult to input my address book in my phone. I tried the different syncing options, but none of them worked. So, I used my iPad as an address book to reference numbers. How annoying.

#5.   Getting Directions: Those who know me personally, know that I struggle with directions. I have a GPS in my car, but I rely on both my GPS and smart phone to get me places. Let's just say I got more lost than usual with my phone.

#4:   The Simple Things: During the Digital Detox, I read Steve Jobs by Walter Issacson and I finally understood why I love the iPhone. It's simple. The navigation makes sense. You can do almost everything in less than 3 clicks. The navigation on my flip phone was annoying and there were so many irrelevant alerts and menu buttons. Steve Jobs said it best, "Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication."

#3.   Sporting Events: We gave up cable in February and then March Madness happened. We suffered. I watched games from my laptop, iPad, and we went to Sports Bars to watch the games. We couldn't do that again during the NBA playoffs. So, I'll come clean. We got cable the day the NBA playoffs began.

#2.   Texting with Ease: Had did I ever text before smart phones. I used to be a "texting guru," but I found it to be extremely inefficient and annoying on the flip phone. Additionally, I had to work really hard to push down the buttons. Who does that? Let's just say I'm looking forward to a QWERTY keyboard and a touch screen.

#1.   Taking Pictures: The pictures are the things that I missed the most. I could probably deal with everything else, but the lack of a camera was hard. I have a great digital camera, but it's bulky and it's less convenient than my cell phone. I even considered buying a small camera, but I couldn't find one that was small, inexpensive, and had iPhone quality pictures. I got the iPhone 5 when it was released and when I gave up my phone in January, I'd taken 2,000 pictures. Since then, I've taken less than 100. I miss being able to capture those unexpected shots. Most of all, I am looking forward to having a quality camera with me.

Despite missing these things, I have gained so much from this Digital Detox experience. I wouldn't trade it for the world. 

The Shavers Family's Digital Detox

It's official! The Shavers Family is on a digital detox. I wrote a blog post in January where I said that I was considering giving up my iPhone and leaving the Smart Phone world. Well… My husband decided to get rid of his smart phone and I could feel him silently challenging me. I'm not one to back down from a competition so, I jumped on board and here we are. Our detox has evolved since giving up our phones and these are the parameters:

• No smart phones. Our phones can only be used for making calls and text. We have both sold our phones (Samsung Galaxy S3 and iPhone 5) and both have flip phones. The picture above is my husband's phone.
• No cable. We cut off our cable and right now we don't even have local channels. We are currently trying to figure out what people did before all of this technology.
• Designated "no technology" times. We both have jobs that demand that we use technology. Josh works in IT and I teach online and conduct research on social media. It's unrealistic that we will have no technology, but their are set times where we cannot use it.

We are three weeks into this challenge, but this is our first week without cable. We are committed to three months and may extend the time.  I hate to admit it, but my husband seems to having an easier transition than me. I miss my smart phone so much. I am definitely going through a withdrawal period. I am constantly thinking about the things I could be doing if I had my phone. It's a little surprising how much I rely on it. However, my digital detox has increased my awareness of how often we can become like zombies with our phones.

What do you think about our digital detox? Could you do it? Below is a video of some individuals who did it for two weeks. What do you think?

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I'm Considering Giving Up My iPhone & Leaving the Smart Phone World

I am the first one to talk about the benefits of an iPhone and I use my phone for EVERYTHING. I just finished telling my husband that my iPhone has become part of my hand. It has become such a natural part of me that allows me to respond to emails, text, surf the Internet, post tweets, browse Facebook, read a book, take pictures, pin on Pinterest, post on Instagram, and so much more.

So, What's the Problem? 

The problem is... I am doing all of those things, all of the time. Up until recently, I have believed that I am a pretty good multi-tasker. I have participated in an on-line conference call, while responding to emails, getting directions, and sending a text message to a friend. Pretty impressive. Right? However, I am beginning to realize that this multi-tasking comes with several costs. 

Cost 1: My productivity is compromised. It takes me longer to complete multiple tasks at the same time then it would if I spent time on one task at a time. I constantly worry that I don't have enough time. If I want more time, maybe I can learn to use it more efficiently. This video highlights the issues of multitasking.

 Cost 2: My relationships are compromised. It is hard for me to be engaged in a conversation with my husband when I am checking emails or reading a book. A new research study shows that just having a phone nearby (without checking it) can decrease the intimacy connection between two individuals.

Cost 3: I find myself becoming more anxious.  Even when I turn my phone notifications off, I'm thinking about work and all the other things I am missing from not having my phone. When my phone is on, I am constantly aware of issues at work, student concerns, even stressful news updates. 

I'm sure some of you may be thinking, "Stop using your phone so often." "Create boundaries." "You're a counselor, you should know how to change." I have said these things to myself a million times. However, as I stated earlier, my iPhone has become part of my hand and a natural part of me. I hate to say it, but I may be addicted to my iPhone and all of it's amazing features. If this an addiction, I may need to go cold turkey. So, am I willing to give up my phone, social networking sites, camera, Internet, GPS, books, videos, music, and the list goes on? Should I remove all of these things from the tips of my finger?

I am leaning towards... Yes. But, I am still hoping that I can come up with another way to resolve this issue. Are you attached to your smart phone? How do you incorporate your smart phone into your everyday life? What would you lose if you gave up your smart phone?

I would love to hear any ideas or feedback.

Until next time...

Why I Blog

I have been away from my blog for over a month... Again. I've thought about different things to blog about (e.g. Thanksgiving, life events, Bible in 90 Days, books, etc.). However, every time I thought about blogging... It was just that. A thought. I was frustrated with myself for not blogging more often and it was beginning to feel like a chore. Now, that the semester is over and things are slowing down, I have been thinking a lot about why I blog. Here are five reasons:

1. Blogging is therapeutic. A colleague and I recently presented about this at a counseling conference. Expressive writing helps people to feel emotionally and mentally better. Similar to journaling it can help us release emotion that we typically keep locked inside. 
2. Blogging deepens the process of self-analysis (Lent, 2009). Blogging helps us to move past the quick thoughts that we have regularly and forces us to slow down and focus on what we are discussing. It pushes us to analyze our thoughts, actions, behaviors, and relationships.
3. Blogging encourages reflection. Discussing a topic on my blog pushes me to reflect on that topic and look for significance. For instance, blogging about my missed posts has helped me to reflect on the benefits of blogging, along with some of my obstacles. Reflecting on experiences leads to a deeper understanding and can produce change.
4. Blogging helps to build community. When you blog, you attract readers who are interested in similar topics. This allows you to build a community or a network. I'm always interested in creating community and growing my network.
5. Blogging allows me to be self-absorbed for a moment. I often present at conferences on Web 2.0. Inevitably, someone in the audience says that "young people's" use of social media is a bit narcissistic. While I can't completely disagree, I will admit that it can be fun to spend time thinking about myself and assuming that someone out there actually cares to read my thoughts. Those who know me personally, know that  I am royalty in my own mind. Blogging helps to validate my royal lineage for a second. 

Just the process of typing my reasons for blogging is motivating me to spend  more time doing it. I can always make time for one more project at work. So, I am working on making time for the things that I know are beneficial. **Uh-Oh** I just had another idea for a blog post. This means you should hear from me soon.

I would love to read your comments: Do you blog? Why or Why Not? Will you start blogging?

November is Academic Writing Month

I am in my second year as an assistant professor and I am learning that the academy awaits for no one. It is easy to get bogged down with teaching, grading, mentoring, committee work, service, and so much more. When I find myself feeling overwhelmed and rushing through the halls of academia, the first thing to get pushed aside is my writing. I love research and I love writing, but sometimes those two things are the first to go. I am assuming that this happens to many professors, which is why there is a need for Academic Writing Month. This is a movement, using #acwrimo on Twitter, designed at getting individuals to encourage and support each other into a month of high productivity. This is exactly what I need at a time where I feel as if I am being buried in grading and committee work. Today, I am completing the first two rules of this month by deciding on a goal and publicly declaring my goals. In the month of November, I will...

1. Spend a minimum of 30 minutes writing every day except Saturday.
2. I will complete and submit three manuscripts. 
3. I will select a grant and begin developing the proposal.
4. I will blog at least 2x a week.

It's time to get busy. Please leave words of encouragement or support. You can also consider joining me. 

“If you wait for inspiration to write; you’re not a writer, you’re a waiter.” – Dan Poynter

Follow me on Twitter (@DrMShavers) or Subscribe to my blog to see my progress. Thanks in advance for your support.

Reading the Bible in 90 Days!

Last year in July, I decided to read the Bible in 90 days with momstoolbox.com. I had been trying to establish a more consistent routine of prayer and studying and this seemed like the perfect opportunity to spend time with God and challenge myself. My life since completely my Ph.D. has been just as busy, but not as predictable. Starting this challenge shortly after I started life as a professor was a great way to provide my life with some structure. It was nice to read stories that I had heard all of my life and to read things that I hadn't heard or read before. But what struck me was the underlying theme of love through out the Bible. The Bible is very entertaining, but I was constantly reminded about how much God loves us. When I read the stories in the Bible about people who constantly turned their backs on God, I am overwhelmed by God's ability to stick by us no matter what.

So often we can become consumed with religiosity and trying to be a perfect "Christian." We may measure this by going to church, participation in church committees, keeping the Sabbath, not breaking the 10 commandments, and so on. But so many times we often forget the importance of love. When the man asked Jesus, which of the commandments is the greatest he replied, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 22:37-38). So often we forget about loving others. We gossip, we judge, we complain, and sometimes we are just down right rude. Reading through the Bible reminds me of God's love for me and my responsibility to love others as I love myself.

I am hoping that reading through the Bible in 90 days this time will help me to increase my intimacy with Christ. I am also praying that I take on more of Jesus's character. I believe that immersing myself in the Bible will help me in my struggle to become more Christ-like. My decision to serve as a mentor was made because the mentor I had during the first challenge was essential in helping to keep me motivated and on track. It's not to late to join us. Message me or check out momstoolbox.com for more information.

Baby Shower: Born to be Wild

My god-daughter, Jada is 3 months old. Needless to say, I am a bit delayed on blogging about the baby shower, but "It's better late than never." We decided on a "Born to Be Wild" theme with hot pink, orange, green, and zebra print. I was a little nervous about the wild theme, but Sequena Monet, the mom-to-be (at the time) and one of my best friends, has always encouraged me to be "less boring." After planning this shower, I am convinced that I should be an event planner, LOL. Well, I hope you enjoy....

 Monet and I

 One of the Tables

 Cake and Cupcakes from A Piece of Cake.

 

 Jada Pria Monet Graham

Aren't her little booties the cutest? I can't wait until it gets warm enough for her to wear them.

 Courtesy of Monet's mom. A diaper stroller and Monet's childhood doll.

 Decorations

 Yum

 Monet and her mom. Twins!

 Monet and her elementary school teacher, Mrs. Long.

 Designed with Love.

The happy parents and Monet's aunt.

Fun times. I don't know why I don't have pictures of Ralonda, Ashleigh, or my mom, but I definitely want to thank them for all of their help.

Love you ladies.

A Visual of My Life

I have always said that my home, is a direct reflection of my mental status. Well, I have become a strict, disciplined, homemaker. Lol. Hilarious, but true. My home is usually always organized, but every once-in-a-while, things get CRAY! This has changed since married life. I have had to be more organized and disciplined since we moved into our new home and it has helped to keep my home organized most of the time.

I have FINALLY mastered this so, I have to wait a while before I can add a baby to this madness. (For those who want to know when we are having children. *wink*)


Anyways... This mess has now infiltrated it's way into my technology home. This is a screenshot of my desktop.

This only shows half of the picture. You can't see the emails that I've flagged, the 7 to-do lists I have created and all of the things that I have saved in delicious to read later. I say all of this to say...

I need an assistant. I can pay in therapy (this is a joke for my counselor friends and the counseling board). I can also pay in filtered water, organizational tips, and hugs. This is the best time to get in because when I  make it... So will you.

Ok. Now I must get back to work...

My So-Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife

Although I have completed a doctoral degree, I often find myself wondering if I should have gotten a Ph.D. in marriage. Seriously. I love being married and I love my husband even more than that, but I find myself learning more and more about how to be a good Christian wife everyday.

I really enjoy reading and I have made it a point to vary the types of books I read (regular fiction, academic, research related, Christian fiction, marriage, and so on). I just finished reading a book titled, "My So-Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife" and I would recommend it to any married woman or woman considering marriage. When I read the description of the Proverbs 31 wife, I felt annoyed (I mean, who can really do all of that?) and unworthy (All of that seems overwhelming so, I am not cut out to be a Christian wife). However, the author, Sara Horn, uses this book to share her own obstacles, frustrations, and successes of her one year experiment to become a Proverbs 31 wife. Her story is reflective, inspirational, motivational, and funny. If nothing else, I found myself feeling a little better  about my "wife abilities" when I read about some of her mishaps during the journey. She even ends the book with a 10-day experiment for you to try and several easy recipes to make for your family.

As women, I know we often struggle with the Work/Life balance. I work from home a lot of the times and I could easily work all day and all night. I enjoy my career and I value the work that I do, but I know that I don't do a great job of balancing work with the other things that are important. This book is a fun read, but also helped me to reflect on different aspects of my life. If you are interested click here to read a sample chapter. I would love to know what you think about the Proverbs 31 wife or the book that can be found here.

Thanks for reading and please share your thoughts.

New Year, New Changes, New Goals!

We have rang in the New Year, made our resolutions, and said goodbye to the holiday season. Unfortunately, some of us have already given up on your New Year's resolutions. While I try to spend more time focusing on my daily resolutions, I also realize the benefits of using the new year as a way to re-evaluate, re-focus, and re-set. There is something about the beginning of a new year that causes us all to look back at the past year and visualize our hopes for the upcoming year.

I have two main resolutions for this year...

1. Develop a 30 before 30 list by June of this year and start working on this.
2. Maintain more balance in my life.

Plans for keeping our resolutions typically start off strong, but often"fizzle out" long before our goals are reached. Once we get wrapped up in our busy lives and schedules, the hope of keeping our resolutions begins to decrease and most of us will give up long before we begin to think about our resolutions for 2013. So... How can we make sure that we do something different this year? While I don't have all the answers, here are some suggestions that can help you stay on track this year.

Create goals that are SMART

1. Specific- Be very specific about what you want to accomplish. So instead of maintaing a more balanced life. I will evaluate my life and write down the specific thing I need to do to make sure my life is balanced.
2. Measurable- I always ask how will I know (using my five senses that I reached my goal). Using my balance example... I will know when I have reached my goal when I am spending two hours a day everyday during the week dedicated to my family and when I am only spending one day of the weekend doing work.
3. Attainable- While I am all about setting high goals for yourself, make sure you set goals that have a realistic plan to get you where you want to go. For example, I gave myself for six months to develop a 30 before 30 list. I think this is very realistic and it gives me time to develop a list that is meaningful and that I will actually stick to.
4. Relevant- If it is not relevant, you won't make it past week 1.
5. Time Bound- How long do you want to work on this goal?

Happy New Year! 

I am Thankful

This week has been a rough week. All week my husband and I have been dealing with unexpected challenges in addition to the everyday stressors that come with our lives. I thought my husband and I were handling it fairly well. We would consult about the unexpected challenges, create an action plan, and execute it. , We even talked about still being blessed in spite of these challenges. However, I was still harboring resentment towards the source of these challenges. I was focusing on being resentful and tallying the issues we were facing in my mind. 

This morning around 4:30, I had a strong urge that I needed to get up and work. I often get up to write or work on an article so, this wasn't too "out of the norm." Before starting to write, I read a devotional message. The reflection component of the Encouragement for Today stated, "Even in the midst of things stolen, I have been given the great gift of remembering all I still have." The author talked about having an experience where she realized that someone had stole several of her things that held special memories in her heart. Instead of reacting she sat down and wrote a list of things she was thankful for and prayed for whoever had stolen from her. She used the verse, Psalm 107:1 “Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.” (NIV). Wow!!!! Sometimes God just amazes me by how intentional and wonderful he is. So, I began to write a list of things I am thankful for. 

• I am thankful for my marriage. I am thankful for the closeness, chemistry and friendship we share. I am thankful that I have someone to share the highs and lows with.
• I am thankful for the health of my family members and the great experiences they are all facing. 
• I am thankful every day for my mind. As a counselor, I am so aware of how easy it is to struggle emotionally and mentally and I am thankful that my mind works the way it does. 
• I am thankful to have a job that I love for so many reasons. 
• I am thankful that God put it on my mind to work this morning instead of what he really wanted me to focus on (Being Thankful instead of Resentful) because I am not sure I would have gotten out of bed.

And my list goes on... I also said a prayer for the individuals that were responsible for much of the stress we experienced. I feel more centered, more grounded, more focused, more balanced.  For that I am grateful. 

To read the actual article, click here. 

Lessons from Dr. Hale

Dr. Frank W. Hale Jr. passed away recently and I attended his funeral on this past Sunday. The ceremony was amazing and I got the chance to learn so much more about him that I did not know. I am so blessed to have had the chance to have him as a mentor. Here are a few lessons I learned from "Doc" that I will take with me forever. 

• If you walk with God, he will walk with you EVERYWHERE.
• Don't just dream. Start doing so that you can live the dream.
• Always write down your thoughts. Eventually you can compile them to share with others.
• Dream Big. Why not be a college president?
• You are unique and you have things that others don't have. So, never count yourself out.
• It is not okay to except unfair or discriminatory treatment.
• Stand up for those who may not have a voice.
• Focus on service and all the things that are important will come just in time.
• God loves you. Spread that love.

These are just a few things that I learned from Dr. Hale. I hope to pass these lessons on as he did. To read more about my experience with Dr. Hale, click here.

Do You Want to Know What the PhD Process is Like?

While going through the PhD process, I often had people ask me what it was like and what I was doing. So, I decided to blog through part of the process. You can learn more about the process at The Pursuit of a PhD. I will also add tips about the PhD process and any information that I think of that may be useful to those pursuing a PhD. I hope you enjoy this blog, as well. And I hope that some of you decide to.... pursue a PhD.

PhD in Hand! Now What?

I have dreamed of owning a PhD from as early as I can remember. At the age of 26, all of that hard work finally paid off and I earned my degree. My graduation from The Ohio State University, was very special to me and I have never felt so proud. So many people that I didn't even know reached out to me to show their love and appreciation. I must admit it was overwhelming. Now that graduation is over and I am now carrying those three letters behind my name, what does it mean? What will I do with it? Will I allow it to mean anything? Well... We Shall See. I invite you to follow me on my journey of exploring this my new life with a PhD.